I let my kids dress themselves, which has rendered me criticism for awhile. I really don’t care what other moms think about how my kids are dressed. That they actually have clothes ON is an amazing feat, plus the fact that we are out in public because I have managed to get them out of the house. This is one of my battles to not fight. Even though Maren’s hair usually looks like a rat’s nest, I would take a rat’s nest over a screaming tantrum any day. These same people who say shit about how my daughter is dressed in mis-matched clothes or how her twin brother wears a paper-thin Spiderman costume in the middle of winter are one and the same with the exact look when I say “tantrum”. I realize some children do need a good spanking, but not over what they want to wear that day.
I used to spank, then went off spanking, then spanked again for awhile. Spanking can get out of control fast if the parent is out of control, and that is why I don’t do it anymore. That and the fact that it doesn’t work. Especially if you spank a lot. Blake once had a pre-school director who told me she never spanked with her hands because they were for loving, so she spanked her kids with a kitchen spoon. I’m no shrink, but I did take Psych 101, and that seems a little off to me, just a smidgen. This is the same woman who couldn’t figure out why Blake (at 2 years old) was in time-out everyday, at the feet of a beautiful, heavy-breasted, long-legged, twentysomething blond. Uh-huh.
Back to the spanking. I realized years ago when the twins were babies that I would see red every time Blake did a toddler thing that pissed me off. Once, instead of laying my hands on him (to put him in time-out), I walked away, almost tripped over a kid chair, which I promptly kicked to the wall. Yep, nice chunk out of the wall. Shawn was out of town and has been pretty much ever since, and I decided that something had to change with me (Thank-yew, Thank-yew, Psych 101).
Now I count (like Tinkerbell) and do really crazy shit to calm myself down, such as tell Blake that I am going to be angry if he doesn’t listen. It actually works. One twin gets it, but usually I am too late to talk her down, and by then I have to take an extra 5 minutes to stop the tears if her feelings have been hurt by her bitch of a mother. Yes, 5 minutes to talk to my kid...I could totally have watched a youtube video in that time.
Twin A, on the other hand, is the worst. He doesn’t listen and is unpunishable (like his older brother was at that age). I did put him in time-out the other day and he cried and cried. Then he got up and ALMOST did the same thing AGAIN that I had put him in time-out for. ALMOST. I asked him (not very nicely) if he wanted a repeat and he slunk off, seemingly defeated, but no worse for wear.
My life is stressful enough with my husband gone and about to be gone for an even longer time. Maren walks around town in fushia skirts and camo tights. Haydon doesn’t have shoes on half the time we leave the house. Blake is pretty much self-sufficient, which is good, since he can feed his brother and sister in the morning if I get distracted while watching old ‘glee’ episodes. He’s only 8, but he’s going to have a lot of responsibility when Shawn leaves. I probably do expect too much out of him, but, really, I am raising a man, not a boy. He gets to do plenty of boy things, like stay up until almost 9pm making block robots with his brother. Yes, the third time I climbed the stairs to read the riot act I was seeing red...until I witnessed them creating robots out of legos under the covers (like I wouldn’t be able to hear their hysterical giggles through the comforter). My red anger vision turned to red hearts, like the crack of a whip, as they were silent when they saw me. I tucked them back in, muttering empty threats about losing TV time, since I am a total follow-through-er. As I left the room I heard Haydon say to Blake, “We can just make more robots after school, we don’t need TV.” I smiled all the way downstairs, happy that none of their brain cells have been spanked out with a wooden spoon.
You really have to pick your battles and if getting her dressed is one, then by all means let her dress herself! she is so cute and thats what they do at that age :) i love an outfit picked out by my 5 year old more than a perfectly matching one!
ReplyDeleteI still dress myself as if I were a 4 year old so I haven't even noticed anything odd about how your kids are dressed. They always look good. They are fed, loved, and clean - so who cares what they wear??
ReplyDeleteThat robot story is awesome. So sweet.