Sigh

We have been going on-stop and I haven't had time to get to the site. Shawn is doing okay although he says the food is terrible. Apparently one of the boxes I sent arrived covered in ants and some of the food was destroyed. He did not seem as upset as I was.

I am trying to keep the kids busy which means not staying at home which means the house is always trashed. I am sure this also has to do with apathy on my part, since my husband is gone.

Other than that, I am counting down the days until school starts and some other adult can entertain my kids so I don't have to continually think of things to keep them happy and from fighting so I don't end up in the asylum.

The other evening I was at the end of my rope and Maren started screaming BLOODY FRIGGIN MURDER in the backseat so I immediately pull into a parking lot and throw the van in park to yank her out and beat her ass. Turns out she dropped her taco in her lap and it was hot. Yeah. After consoling her (no, I promise I didn't beat her) I get in and throw the van into drive and immediately run over a concrete obstacle in the middle of the parking lot, which I did not see before because of the screaming child. At this point I can barely speak, I get out of the van and try to check to see if anything is wrong with it, but it's 102° out, plus heat rising from the asphalt...so I just threw a fit, jumping up and down, screaming as many expletives as I could muster in the horrid heat. Here's the irony: Approximately 60 days into Shawn's first deployment, when Blake was a baby, I ran the side of my van down the interior wall of a building in Germany. No, I was not drunk, I just could not get the van off the wall once I hit it, the curve was so tight. And then a gate shut behind us and we were locked in the park house for about an hour. But that's another story.

This story ends nicely. There is no damage to the van, it drives fine. I, on the other hand, may end up in the looney bin without prescription meds soon. This is why public school was invented, so mothers would not end up needing electroshock therapy. Although walking around in your robe and slippers all day playing games in your head like Martini seems quite a sweet dream...except for the Nurse Ratched part. Maybe McMurphy will save the day.

Time much?

My mom arrives in 19 days and my house is T-R-A-S-H-E-D. Between now and then I have maybe 2 days where nothing is going on. 2 days! And I want to rearrange my kitchen because it's driving me mad AND I really want someone to buy my dining table to get it out of the house!!!! I am in definite Sagittarius character for rearranging with no one to come home and stare.

Except...my mom is coming and none of the things I want to happen are happening! Maybe if I got OFF MY ASS and off the computer I would get some shit done. Hmm.

Perspective

I know that many people in the Southeast have been devastated by tornadoes. That is the reason why, when I found out that shingles were missing from my roof I did not freak. I left some messages yesterday (5) and received no return calls. Today I went to check the roof since the wind HOWLED all night and I just knew I was missing more.

I called ABQ roofing, and to my surprise, a man answered. I explained to him what I saw and he quickly surmised that the wood of the roof may be exposed and that he would send his guy out today. I was so grateful!

In the end, as I was about to pay, the very kind gentleman told me that there was no charge, just to thank my husband for his service.

Yes, I quickly had to retreat before I lost all composure. I have so much to be thankful for, including a patched roof.

Guilt

Yesterday I got a little talking to by my eight-year old. It went a little something like this...

Child: What are we doing this weekend? Is Daddy going to be home?

Me: Yes, Daddy will be home all weekend. Friday night we have a party for Daddy's work, Saturday we have the twins birthday party and Sunday Mommy and Daddy are going on a little date.

Child: Let me get this straight...my Dad is going to leave for a year in just one week and you are taking him away from me on Sunday?

Me: It's only for a few hours and you can have pizza and play on the computer.

Child: Eh.

Then child continued to pout heavily. So, of course I felt horrible and called Shawn right away, and we agreed we should not go on our date.

Well, I told this story yesterday to many girlfriends who were just adamant that the date continue and that you cannot let your children rule your lives and that your marriage should come first. Shawn was even a little confused with this, as was I. But we are going to go on our date! We could both use a little time away and to see a comedy. Thank goodness for my friends!

The Finest Drivers

I was terrified to drive in Germany. Terrified. The Autobahn scared the shit out of me, with BMWs careening toward my rearview mirror at mind-numbing speeds as I tried to pass a semi going 80 kph. I finally got the hang of it and so did the Germans, just passing me no matter what my speed when they saw my American Military car tag with a million stars on it...hard to miss. The cars in Germany don't even have cup holders because you aren't supposed to be doing anything but concentrating on the road. At speeds of 200 kph+ it's life or death for not paying attention. I would be interested to see the statistics of texting and driving in Germany, since I just saw what can happen at the speed of 15 mph (below).

I thought I'd seen crazy driving...and then I moved to NM. I seriously doubt many of the drivers here have even heard of a driving class, since I almost always get run over by people turning left at a two-way stop when I have the right-of-way. Even at a 4-way stop, people just go with the person in front of them, like no one is going to notice. Oh well. I digress.

I saw texting and driving at it's finest today, at the Elementary School no less. She hit the curb so hard that she didn't have time to correct and rammed right into the street light, bringing the light fixture from 50 feet up screaming down. Yep, not even 9 am, and she just drove off. I guess with the reputation of the state, she could've been drunk. At least my van that just got out of the shop is still beautiful with it's spankin' new paint job. Don't text and drive people.

#1 topic: Daddy

I spent all weekend listening to women who have never been a wife in the Army or know what the Army is tell me how to deal with deployment and what it is. It was very kind of them to put us up in a hotel and feed us, I guess that meant they had the right to talk to us like children.

Friday night, one hour after arrival,

Speaker (in a cheery sing-song that made me want to vomit): Okay! We are going to talk about rules! Everyone LOVES rules, right?! They give us boundaries!

Me (whispering to my neighbor): How much you wanna bet me it's no drinking?

Speaker: NOOOOOOO ALCOHOL! I know, alcohol makes us feel better, but it really doesn't let you be PRESENT, you know? You have to be present for all the GREAT information you are going to get this weekend!

By the time she had stopped talking many people had cleared the room to go and break rule #1.

I know that rule #2 was "No cell phones" but I had quit listening. All in all it was okay, the last day had the most information that was totally rushed through. Saturday we listened to hippy music and closed our eyes to go to our "happy place". Good times. We also did a Psychology 101 exercise that helped us figure out what personality type we were, and that was fun, but I have no idea how it tied into helping me cope with being the sole parent, house-fixer, bill-payer, car oil-changer and everything-under-the-sun for a year. Lots of laughs, though, since Shawn and I were TOTAL opposites. Another great opposite was the parenting session, where apparently everything I'm doing and have done and will do is absolutely wrong. Especially dialogue with the children. I really did try to change my word choice when we were having dinner, but, alas, all was for naught. *sigh*

The nice part was meeting Army wives that I haven't met. I've been missing that connection lately, since the only person who really knows how our world is about to be turned upside down is an Army wife. I even met some who can paint and use a drill. Although, my husband was vehemently against a drill-using lesson for me.

The kids got backpacks full of what-nots, including writing packets for letters to Daddy, and "Daddy-dolls". They are thrilled with their contraband, and haven't asked lately if Daddy is going to "fight the bad guys". I seriously don't know where they got that phrase, we have never mentioned anything but that Daddy is going to help people, just like he does here. I write "we" loosely, since I am not always around to censor what my husband says to my children. Maybe he should take the parenting class instead of me, the introverted recluse that he is.

...

I am beginning to NOT like talking on the phone. GASP.

I was on the phone all morning dealing with this pre-deployment weekend thing coming up. And I drove about 50,000 miles today for 3 errands because we live in BFE. And I saw a sign in my BFE neighborhood stating that there will be a meeting about building townhouses. Seriously?!

And I decided to drop out of my Bunco group. The thought of one more thing that I might possibly need a babysitter for just makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I thought Spring Break was supposed to be relaxing. We've been on the go since Friday, when SB started, and will be gone most of the day tomorrow. I am exhausted.

And tomorrow I will be on the phone, all morning, again, trying to find a venue for a meet and greet for the unit. Go team.